I was absolutely buzzing to do my undergrad in Japan. Three reasons, really:

1. I wanted to learn more about my dad’s culture.
2. I got into an American university over there, which meant (bless the academic gods) I didn’t have to wrestle with Japanese grammar right away.
3. And most importantly… I was so ready to make a squad of Japanese girlfriends. Like proper ones. Sleepover, share deep dark secrets, do-each-other’s-nails sort of friends.

So off I flew to Japan, full of hope, dreams, and a suitcase packed with more expectations than clothes. I started university wide-eyed and ready to dive into it all.

And to be fair, I did get a lot out of those four years. I learned about Japanese culture, their values, their way of life, and their language (not saying I sound like a native, but I can survive a dinner conversation and flirt a little which is more than enough).

But here’s the catch: making actual friends? Like friend-friends? It never really happened. I met so many sweet girls. We’d hang out, do projects together, help each other with writing assignments. But it never went deeper than that. No texts at midnight saying “Are you awake?” No Sunday brunch plans. No real bond.

And listen, I’m not a troll. I’m decent, kind, and fairly normal most days (except when I’m PMSing and crying over a pigeon that looked lonely). I’d go to school, sit with the girls, laugh at their jokes, join lunch groups… and then (poof) everyone would disappear after class like I had a contagious case of social awkwardness.

I know what you’re thinking. “Hannah, babe, what is this? Are you 14?”

Nope. I was a grown woman. And yet it felt like a weird episode of Mean Girls: The Japanese Edition.

Now, fast forward four years later and I still hadn’t made a single solid friend. But ohhh, did I learn something juicy about Japanese female friendships. Apparently, friendship is often measured in gifts. Expensive ones. Like, designer handbag expensive. Dior, Chanel, Louis-whatever. Girls would work part-time jobs and use their earnings to treat their “friend-crush” to a fancy café or buy her something posh, just to get in her good graces.

And then there’s me. I didn’t have do a part-time job. My dad paid my tuition (パパ、いつもありがとう。いつかお金持ちになったら、ちゃんと返すからね！). I lived at home, had just enough pocket money to live a humble uni life, and not enough to buy limited-edition lipsticks for someone I just met at the school café.

Eventually, I realised this whole thing felt transactional. It didn’t align with what I believed friendship should be real, mutual, and not sponsored by Dior. It made me a little sad, to be honest. Because I wasn’t willing to “buy” a friend, I sort of drifted on my own.

Even now, I’ve got a bunch of uni girls we follow each other on Instagram. They like my stories sometimes, react to my memes, even DM me an occasional “cute top.” But do we hang out? Nah. I graduated last year, and that chapter quietly closed.

Still, Japan is gorgeous. It’s safe, clean, respectful. You can go out at 2 a.m. for ice cream without carrying pepper spray an absolute dream. But sometimes, for someone like me who loves deep conversations and sharing ridiculous philosophical theories like “What if plants have Wi-Fi and we just don’t know?”, it gets a bit lonely.

But today is Friday. Blessed, glorious, sparkling Friday. This morning, Dustin insisted it was Thursday, and honestly, I was about to believe him until we looked at the calendar and saw that we were actually free to live our best Friday lives. I hope wherever you are, you’re feeling loved, adored, and slightly smug about making it through the week.

Stay fabulous,

Loads of luv

Hannah

P.P. I know some of my Japanese mates might stumble upon this blog post and think, “Oi, Hannah, what’s all this then?” Look, love, no hard feelings, yeah? I’m just sharing my personal experience no shade (well… maybe just a little umbrella). So keep doing you, keep being fabulous, (transactional or not).