Signs You May Be Emotionally Dependent

• You seek constant reassurance from others.
• You feel lost or anxious when alone.
• Your mood depends on how others treat you.
• You struggle to make decisions without external input.

I’ve struggled with emotional independence for a long time, but the real issue? I didn’t even realise it. Growing up, I thought it was completely normal to rely on my parents for everything—after all, they had more life experience, so they must know better, right?

Why Do We Struggle with Emotional Independence?

My mum was my go-to for every decision. She picked out my clothes because she knew what colours suited me. She decided who I could be friends with, whether I could visit my grandparents, and essentially managed my social life like a strict but well-meaning agent. At the time, I didn’t question it—I just assumed that’s how things were meant to be.

Then, years later, I had the chance to live with my dad. And suddenly, I realised something was off. Unlike my mum, he didn’t automatically tell me what to do. When I asked for his opinion—on everything from what to wear to how much money to spend—he looked at me like, Why are you asking me this?

One day, we had a rare deep conversation (we’re not exactly the heart-to-heart type). He told me, You’re 17—you don’t need my permission for everything. You’ll make mistakes, but that’s how you learn.

And my reaction? What do you mean, “decide for myself”?! You’re my dad. You know best!

I wish I could say that one conversation magically changed me. But no. I continued seeking external validation for years. Even in relationships, I’d constantly ask if my outfit looked alright. If the answer wasn’t an enthusiastic yes, my brain immediately translated it to, Oh no, this looks awful, I must change immediately. It took a lot of conscious effort to break that cycle, but over time, I managed to reduce that need for approval to almost zero. (I say almost because let’s be honest—I still ask my man if I should buy another book when I already have a stack I haven’t read. Old habits die hard.)

How Parental Influence Shapes Emotional Dependence

So, where does this all start? At home? Probably. Parenting styles vary, but I was raised in a strict environment where micromanagement was the norm. And honestly? I think it’s unfair for parents to control their children to the point where they don’t even know how to breathe without asking permission.

When you grow up constantly seeking validation from others, you never really learn to trust yourself. You become dependent on others to make decisions for you, and then—when adulthood hits—you suddenly find yourself lost.

But there’s hope! If you’re struggling with this, here are a few things that helped me break free from the cycle of external validation:

5 Steps to Build Emotional Independence

1. Build Self-Awareness

Start paying attention to when and why you seek external validation. Are you looking for approval? Afraid of rejection? Do you need someone to confirm that your dinner order was a good choice? Identifying these patterns is the first step towards breaking them.

2. Learn to Validate Yourself

Instead of relying on others to reassure you, practise affirming yourself. When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself: “I am enough, just as I am.” (Even if your brain whispers, “Are you sure, though?”) Journaling, self-reflection, and setting personal goals can help strengthen your self-trust.

3. Develop a Strong Sense of Self

Who are you outside of your relationships? What do you love? What excites you? Spend time alone, explore your personal interests, and reconnect with yourself—without waiting for someone else’s approval.

4. Detach from the Fear of Rejection

Not everyone will agree with you, like you, or approve of your outfit choices. And that’s okay. The more you accept that, the less power fear of rejection will have over you.

5. Take Responsibility for Your Emotions

Your happiness isn’t someone else’s job. Relationships can enhance your life, but they shouldn’t be the only source of your self-worth. Learn to comfort yourself instead of relying on others to do it for you.

I don’t have a book recommendation today, but I wanted to share this part of my personal growth journey in case anyone out there relates. If you’ve gone through something similar, comment below or message me on Instagram—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

P.S. I’m still waiting on my Onyx Storm copy. My man pre-ordered the special edition for me last year (bless him), but it’s taking ages to arrive. Anyone else stuck in pre-order purgatory?

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Loads of luv,

Hannah