Confidence. We all want it, we admire those who have it, and yet, sometimes, it feels as elusive as finding a perfectly ripe avocado. But what actually makes someone confident? And more importantly, how do you get there?

Let’s break it down.

Signs That You Are Lacking Confidence

1. Constantly Seeking Approval – If every decision requires validation from a friend, boss, or your cat, it might be time to work on self-assurance.
2. Over-Apologizing – Did you just say “sorry” to a chair for bumping into it? Yeah, that’s a sign.
3. Avoiding Eye Contact – Looking at your shoes won’t help you win arguments (or make a great first impression).
4. Fear of Trying New Things – The comfort zone feels safe, but nothing grows there.
5. Downplaying Achievements – If your go-to response to a compliment is, “Oh, it was nothing,” stop that. Right now.

Why Are Some People Naturally Confident?

It might seem like some people were just born strutting out of the womb with unshakable confidence, but in reality, confidence is built. People who exude confidence usually:

• Have practiced stepping out of their comfort zone.
• Know their strengths and own them.
• Don’t fear failure—they embrace it as part of learning.
• Have a ‘fake it till you make it’ attitude. (Yes, this actually works.)

My Red Lipstick Experiment & The Confidence Realization

Let me tell you a quick story. Recently, I bought a red lipstick. A bold, in-your-face kind of red. I saw a girl on TikTok explaining how red lipstick makes you look more confident, and I thought, Yes, this is it. This is my moment. So, off I went to Dior, spent 6000 yen, and returned home, ready to unleash my inner femme fatale.

I carefully lined my lips, applied the lipstick, and admired my reflection. Damn, I look amazing! But then, the doorbell rang. It was my Amazon delivery. I walked towards the door, saw my reflection in the hallway mirror, and suddenly… panic. Who was this bold, daring woman staring back at me? Certainly not me. I freaked out, grabbed a mask, covered my lips, and opened the door as my old, comfortable self.

Why? Because my brain wasn’t used to seeing me like that. It didn’t recognize this confident, lipstick-wearing version of me. And that’s when it hit me: you can’t be confident if you keep repeating the same habits, routines, and thought patterns that have kept you in your comfort zone. Confidence isn’t about suddenly waking up and feeling fearless; it’s about training your brain to accept new versions of yourself.

How to Build Confidence

1. Do Things That Make You Uncomfortable – Wear that red lipstick. Speak up in meetings. Say ‘no’ without over-explaining.
2. Change Your Self-Talk – Instead of, “I can’t do this,” try, “I haven’t mastered this yet.”
3. Stop Seeking Validation – Your opinion of yourself should matter more than anyone else’s.
4. Fail and Move On – Nobody successful got there without messing up along the way. No matter how cringe it is, just do it.
5. Practice Good Posture – Shoulders back, head high. Your body language affects your mindset.
6. Change Your Routine – You can’t expect new results from the same old habits. Confidence comes from action.
7. Set Boundaries – If people treat you in a way you don’t like, speak up. Your silence gives them permission to continue.
8. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others – Instead of being jealous of successful people, learn from them.

How to Stay Confident

1. Keep stepping outside your comfort zone. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
2. Surround yourself with confident people. Energy is contagious. And throw the bloody jealous thoughts out the window.
3. Celebrate your small wins. Every little victory counts. Treat yourself to your favourite meal or however, you prefer to celebrate.

Practical Exercises to Boost Confidence

• The Power Pose – Stand like Wonder Woman for two minutes before something important. Science says it helps.
• Daily Affirmations – “I am capable, strong, and deserve success.” Say it until you believe it. You have to mean it for it to work, you cannot say, “I am beautiful”, when In reality, you look like shit and you haven’t showered in days.
• Mirror Work – Look yourself in the eye and compliment yourself daily.
• Try New Things Regularly – The more adaptable you are, the more confident you’ll feel.

Best Books to Read for Confidence Boosting

• The Confidence Code by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman https://amzn.to/4k9sXXD
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F** *by Mark Manson https://amzn.to/43d0SIP
• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown https://amzn.to/3Xh4QMN
• Presence by Amy Cuddy https://amzn.to/3DgicC5

Before you go., 

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you build. And yes, sometimes it starts with a tube of red lipstick and a moment of hesitation in front of the mirror. But the key is to push through that hesitation, to challenge yourself, and to show up as the version of yourself you want to be—even if your brain takes a second to catch up.

So go on, wear the damn lipstick.
what do you do to feel badass and confident? do share in the comments or message me on Instagram. I would love to hear your thoughts on confidence.

Loads of luv

Hannah