Is it just me, or is making friends as an adult absurdly more difficult than it was back in high school or collage? Seriously, what happened? One minute you’re in sixth form surrounded by people you have to interact with, and the next, you’re grown up, working or studying abroad, and suddenly you need to schedule a hangout three weeks in advance… if you even have anyone to hang out with.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know many people from my school and university. We follow each other on Instagram, occasionally react to each other’s stories, and maybe meet for tea/coffee once every six months. But we’re not “friends” friends, you know? Not the “call-you-at-2am-because-I-had-a-weird-dream-about-alien-tea-parties” kind of friends. Just people I technically still know.

Where Are All the Book-Loving, Gossip-Dodging, Tea-Sipping Weirdos Like Me?

Ladies, please tell me I’m not alone here. I crave the kind of friend who’ll happily sit in silence with me while we both read different books and occasionally look up to say “Did you know jellyfish are technically immortal?” and then go back to reading. Is that too much to ask?

I have one solid friend here in Japan, her name is Sarina, she’s from Iran, and we’ve been friends for six years. We have laugh about the absurdity of life, and actually hang out. I also have two amazing friends in England, but since I’m in Japan, the hangout option is… well, not exactly available. Zoom only gets you so far.

I’ve tried making new friends here, truly, but I often feel like a walking “you’re not like other girls” cliché. I don’t watch celebrity dramas, I don’t go out drinking, I don’t know what’s “trending” half the time. Sometimes I meet someone, we hang out once, and then… radio silence. What happened? Did I say something odd? Did I not laugh enough? Too many existential questions about the future of AI? Who knows.

Men Have It So Easy, Don’t They?

Here’s the thing: men? They seem to bond over anything.

“Hey mate, love your boots. Where’d you get them?”

“Oh cheers, they’re Danners.”

“Wicked. My third cousin’s daughter’s boyfriend’s brother’s best mate has the same pair.”

“Wicked dude, wanna grab a pint?”

Two beers and a bag of crisps later, they’re best mates for life. Just like that. (I love you Dustin and it was by no mean pointed toward you x)

Meanwhile, we girls? We assess. We observe. We analyse. It’s not because we’re mean or picky, it’s because we value depth. We don’t just hand over our emotional availability to any stranger with decent shoes. We’ve got standards, alright?

What I’m Actually Looking for in a Friend (Apply Within)

Here’s my personal friendship wishlist, just so you know I’m not completely unreasonable:

• Loves books. Fiction, non-fiction, sci-fi, fantasy, anything goes, as long as we can talk about it endlessly.
• DOES NOT GOSSIP. If you talk smack about everyone, I’ll assume I’m next the moment I leave the room. So, no thanks.
• Likes fashion, but not in a “judge your outfit” way, more like “let’s go thrifting and wear oversized jumpers together.”
• Enjoys cafes, teas, and deep chats about whether we’re living in a simulation.
• Thinks visiting bookstores counts as a valid social activity.

That’s it. That’s the post. Is it so much to ask?

So… Is It Just Me?

Is there anyone else out there struggling with adult friendship-making? Or am I the only socially awkward, old-soul-in-a-modern-world kind of gal stumbling through this?

Because honestly, if you relate to any of this, comment down. Let’s be weird and wonderful together. Let’s go book shopping, have tea-fuelled chats about the meaning of life, and maybe, just maybe, become those “friends friends” we all secretly miss.

Load of luv

Hannah

Okeh bye x