by Hannah, an accidental philosopher

Right, so picture this: It’s a random Wednesday evening. I’m just minding my own business, probably procrastinating some very important life task like washing a spoon or becoming a better person, when BAM out of absolutely nowhere, my brain hits me with a deep philosophical thought:

“Oi, remember those YouTube family vloggers you were obsessed with in 2018?”

Cue me, spiralling down the rabbit hole of nostalgia like Alice except instead of Wonderland I ended up in the uncanny valley.

Now back in the day the golden era of YouTube, if you will.. I lived for those wholesome family vlogs. Mums with their matching gym sets, dads doing the weekly Tesco shop like warriors, and kids named things like Emberlynn and Jaxxon running around in slow motion while drone music played. Oh, the serotonin. Pure, uncut joy.

But then Instagram took over, life got a bit real (exams, bills, and the harrowing knowledge that oat milk costs £3.50) and YouTube got shoved into the dusty cupboard of my digital mind.

UNTIL YESTERDAY.

So there I am, being nosy as any respectable citizen of the internet is…Googling to see what these YouTubers are up to now. And I was shooketh to my very core.

I barely recognised them.

The once adorable toddlers? Now teenagers with more contour than I had emotional stability in 2020. The mums? Well. I’ll say this kindly: they all seem to be morphing into the same person. The same face. One mega-face. Like they’ve all unlocked some secret Kardashian Character Creator and gone, “Yes, please, I’ll have the Default Instagram Face, Level 5, Extra Lips, hold the personality.”

What in the Sims 4 Plastic Surgery Expansion Pack is going on?

Listen I’m not here to drag anyone for getting work done. If you’ve got a nose that points due west and you want it to go due north, go forth and rotate, my love. Do your thing. Live your truth. Sculpt that jawline into the Grand Canyon if it makes you happy.

BUT WHY, OH WHY, IS EVERYONE DOING THE EXACT SAME THING?

There’s a difference between enhancing your features and deleting your uniqueness like you’re editing your character in a 2006 Nintendo Mii menu. I’m telling you… we’re one lip filler away from starting a girl group called The Inflatas.

We’ve gone from “everyone is special in their own way” to “please ensure your nose adheres to current EU regulation dimensions.”

Where are the gap teeth? The weirdly long earlobes? The slightly wonky smiles that make people them? Why are we all on a quest to become the human version of a Bratz doll on FaceTune?

I blame three things:

1. The Instagram explore page (a.k.a. the Bermuda Triangle of individuality)
2. Filters that could turn Shrek into Margot Robbie!!!!
3. And a society that tells you the only thing standing between you and happiness is a £9,000 nose job and a new chin.

Let me say this, in the spirit of unsolicited opinions and tea:

Wake up. You’re already a masterpiece. A glorious Picasso of a human face.

Your nose tells a story. Your smile holds history. Your wonky eyebrow? That’s a personality trait.

Stop trying to look like someone else. They’ve already got that covered.

So to anyone out there thinking they need to “fix” themselves: love, the only thing that needs fixing is the algorithm that made you think you weren’t enough to begin with.

Loads of luv,

Hannah