Alright, listen up, you marvellous bunch of disappearing acts.

I’m that person yes… that person who, upon receiving a text or an email, replies faster than you can say cup of tea. It doesn’t matter if I’m wading through a hurricane, a tornado, or the apocalypse itself, you will receive a reply from me within approximately 5 to 10 minutes.

If you don’t hear back from me within half an hour, please do the responsible thing and phone the police, because at that point I’m either kidnapped, dead, or possibly both.

Now, I’ll admit, this is not what one might call entirely normal behaviour. But let me paint you a little picture:

Exhibit A: The Classic Ghosting Scenario

Friend: hiya, how r ya?

Me: Hiya! I’m very well, thank you ever so much…

Friend: [vanishes into the abyss]

Me: [waits 5 minutes] So, how are you??..

Friend: [still gone, probably abducted by aliens]

Me: [30 minutes later] Is everything alright? Are you alive? Have you spontaneously combusted?

Honestly, I’m not a raving lunatic (contrary to what this may sound like), but if we’re mid-text conversation and I reply instantly like some over-eager Labrador and you clearly have your phone in hand, and then you just poof off the face of the earth… I can only assume you’ve entered the “Witness Protection Programme”.

If this sounds like you, please, for the love of all that is holy (and my fragile, quivering heart), just… stop. It’s not fun. It’s not quirky. It’s the sort of behaviour that can give sensitive souls like me a minor heart attack and a major existential crisis.

Happy Monday, you beautiful creature. Wherever you are, be it on your sofa, lost in a Tesco aisle, or gallivanting about the countryside I hope you feel utterly adored, cherished, and appropriately guilty about your ghosting tendencies.

Loads of luv

Hannah